Monday, October 11, 2010

I'm Gonna Get you Sucker!

Weeds, Bugs and Moles are the bane of my existence. 

WEEDS and I do not get along.  I yank, whack and pull and as soon as my back is turned, they just laugh their butts off, pop right back up and I swear I hear them giggling during the night.  I am one of THOSE people who will not use chemicals to kill anything.  Although my hubby used TOTAL VEGETATION KILLER to try to kill the grass in our driveway .  Hubby fought the grass and the grass won.  Even with the Killer chemicals so now we mow the driveway.  Eventually I want to have a stamped concrete driveway installed, THAT is not even on the most current list of stuff I want to have done.

BUGS, I think I got a handle on right now.  I use a vinegar and borax combo killer mix for overall bug killer and I also use a Sugar and Borax ant killer.  Both work pretty well.

MOLES will be the death of me, I am sure.  They tunnel from the woods then all over my yard and exit out the other side of my yard.  I have tried just about everything.  Boiling water... I think they thought it was a hot shower just for them, like this is NOT a Holiday Inn Express.  Castor Oil..... here again I think it was a total system cleanse for them and I do not even want to think about where they cleansed themselves at.  Firecrackers....  YooooHoooooo  Fourth of July didn't work either.  Bubblegum..... Just what I need bubble blowing Moles.  I even bought those sonic sound thingys that the fruit cake Jerry Baker said would work.  Well I installed them and then when I went to mow, the grass covered them and I ran over one and it chewed up my mower blade and made my hubby mad because we had to take it to the shop to be repaired.  Any way  what does Jerry Baker know.... He is the one who said put stale beer out for the slugs and snails.  I did that too and all I got was a bunch of drunk slimy slugs and snails.  Now they show up expecting a all you can drink party.  I think a trip to the Gun Range so I can practice and then I can sit on porch with a shotgun and blow those sadistic evil things out of my yard.  Do they have a Mole shooting season?  If so, what is the penalty for shooting those suckers out of season?   I don't care...  you see those piles in the picture?  That is only 3 out of about 100 +.  Everything I have read says moles are NOT harmful......  BULL HOCKEY   they totally tear up your yard.  Why can't they eat the drunk slugs and snails and die?

If anyone can throw natural tips they can throw my way for controling Weeds, Bugs and Moles and what the hell tips on Slugs and Snails would be greatly appreciated.


  1. I couldn't help but laugh reading your post because I am battling the same problem but moles (in my grass) and voles (in my woodland garden). I too have tried the remedies you listed without success. In addition I have snakes, hawks, and owls which I thought would help control the population. After all, there is an entire buffet there for them to enjoy however they aren't doing their jobs either! I wish you lots of luck and hope someone can offer a natural remedy that works!

  2. I have followed your mole problem. I am lucky enough not to have them. Really, not enough property and all my neighbors spray insecticides and control grubs. I tried the stale beer tip. I do not drink beer,so I bought it just for them. They actually liked it and in the morning I liberated the drunk and happy slugs and they were alive and well. I guess they do not drown.

    Your stories are always so funny and make my morning read fun.

    Thanks for visiting my blog. We are just a barrel of fun here, ME a crazed gardener out to blow moles out of my yard and drunkin Slugs and Snails partying all night at my house. The MOLES are wrecking havoc with my yard and just that is driving me crazy. I was even thinking maybe I could dig down and put wire barriers like chicken wire. Anyone know how deep they will dig? Can they climb over if I bring the wire up to the bottom rail of our fence? Can I electrify the chicken wire? Oh Gawd, I really am going crazy. I am thinking the death penalty for MOLES LOL.

  4. Hi, you have a brilliant sense of humour! It seems that everybody in the States is suffering from moles at the moment. I have written a (serious) article on moles entitled 'moles' but the advice i give is for over here in sunny england but it may be of help...the good news is that alcoholic slugs do die eventually of liver damage...

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  6. HAZELTREE LOL thanks for visiting my blog. Moles will certainly be one of the major factors when I die, I am not planning on kicking the bucket anytime soon. I wonder how long it takes for a slub to actually die from liver damage, NOT soon enough for me. truefully Moles are more of a problem. Fire ANTS are another huge problem and again I have tried those folksy remedies like spreading uncooked grits on the ant pile. Whoever got this to work must be from up North and their ANTS hates grits with a passion like all Yankees. Their ants are probably wondering what kind of crap they are trying to make them eat but Southern fire ants would yell Yipeee, they love them. I am waiting for them to actually knock on the door and ask for the next mess of grits LOL. I think I will try the Borax and Sugar, maybe that will work on Fire Ants too.

    What did you say to use get rid of your English Moles? I am willing to try anything, not sure that me taking potshots at them is really a good idea since I have never fired a gun in my life. With my luck I would shoot out the car windows or hit the well or heaven forbit someone riding by on a horse. I have never been thrilled with having guns.

    I do not want to pour any poison on the ground because our property is right over the Florida Aquafer where Florida gets their drinking water and we have enough of a problem with farms polluting the ground.

  7. I enjoyed this post and your sense of humor. Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh about it. Those mole holes look frightful! I have lost more plants than I care to number to voles and rabbits, but I have learned to not stress too much. Neighborhood cats, a red fox, and resident hawks and owls help. Weeds - well, that is a constant battle, and I am trying hard to cover the ground. Weeds flourish in bare earth but have a harder time against established plantings. Example: The moss paths in my woodland garden have minimized weeding in that area. Many people consider moss a weed itself, but in the right setting it is magical.